Crush and release

Do you know that feeling?

The one where you can feel your chest contract
Crush and release

Maybe its your heart being squeezed
Enough to almost pop
Or its your lungs losing all their air
Having the wind knocked out of them
A diaphragm spasm

And here I am stuck at work
Telling everyone to have a good day
Will someone tell me, too?

Gold room

It is 6:55 in the morning
I wake because the sun says it is time
I am up and as I put my robe on
I can see th sunlight perfectly illuminating you as you rest still

The room is bathed in golden light
It is beautiful and gold for you
The birds are singing for you

You deserve this morning
To sleep in the golden light
I know you are so tired
Of work
Of school
Of me

You keep us all
Care for us all
Know my secrets
And all the different flavors of my tongue
And you kiss me anyway

The one with the tattoo on his belly

What can I say about this one?
The one with the tattoo on his belly
Who made me feel at home
In a place I had never set foot
He talked to me like I mattered
Who was kind and sweet straight to the point
His bass and treble tattoos placed so perfect on those long arms
The one who makes pants for fun

But I know this will go the way of the others
That is how it works
And I keep searching for
I don’t really know
But I keep looking

That is the plight of me
A fatherless daughter
I’m looking for you
In the arms of strangers


It’s 5 in the evening and Spring.
The sun is still bright like it’s morning.
I should be out there
Laying in the grass, bathed in the sunlight
I should be putting my citrus lotion on and daydreaming
Smelling like warm oranges

But I am inside trying to nap
In my cold room, under blankets. Something is playing in the background
Some show that is talking
so I don’t feel
alone in here.

All I can think about is
the lump in my armpit.

Can we

Can we go back to the beginning? When my cheeks were flush and we both anticipated. When you wrote stories and I wrote back. It broke the monotony of the day. Its not to say my life is boring, its full of love, laughter and time goes by too quick.

I kind of wish we never met. Maybe things would be different. You could still imagine me. You could still be piqued. I am still piqued. Full of lust and want. But I know the boundaries. I don’t search for you but I hope you appear.

I remember meeting you in the coffee shop. It tooks us awhile to decide where to meet. We both know a lot of the town and couldn’t chance being seen. You with a stranger woman, me with a stranger man. Not with our love partners. With our lust partners. Your energy was contagious  and you put me at ease. You wore a green shirt and a trucker hat. Your smile is a million watts. Your hug was warm like I was a friend. It seems like a really long time ago now. It was just a little over a month ago.

I don’t hear from you anymore. You went back to focus on your life and family. You said don’t ever think it was me, why you disappeared . So I don’t.  But sometimes, I do.