I sneak to the bathroom with my limited supplies. A pregnancy test. The only clean container I could find that no one would miss: some plastic disposable cup from Dairy Queen.
I’ve missed my period before for a long of reasons. Stress, hormones, just because. This time I am nervous, though. My makeup smeared, my hair is a nest, I’ve got those fabric lines on my face from a long nap I just woke up from.
3 drops of urine onto this stick. Your question will be answered in 3 minutes. I’m trying not to look. I play a music video on my phone. Something happy, loud and poppy to trick my mood. I want to have a cigarette. I don’t even smoke anymore.
I think of all the things I’ve done to put myself here. How I’ve hardly said no. How I use my body as currency to feel less alone.
I’m alone now. In this bathroom. Listening to a happy song. The goosebumps forming on my legs and arm make my skin feel tight.
Just one more minute