Born to lose

Some days, like today, I feel like I was born to lose. 

I am nauseous as I smile and tell my customers to have a good day. Please don’t ask me how I am, I might crack. I can’t crumble at work. Please take my smile and go.

I felt my chest well up. I don’t want to go home and lay in bed again like I have been. 

Maybe its the weather today. Rain all day for the next 7 days. I grew up here in the PNW, I should be used to it by now. Each year seems more difficult than the last, though. I’d like to blame the weather. And be mad it at for making me this way. But its just me now.

It is wet and my boots are caked with mud. I wanted to lay in the mud in the driveway as I left for work this morning. Just lay there all day and let the rain hit me. But I kept going. Today is hard. 

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3 thoughts on “Born to lose

  1. I know that awful feeling, rain doesn’t make it any better. I remember when I went threw my first serious breakup I worked at a preschool and not even that could make me happy. I’m not sure if this will help you but it helped me, I had to force my brain to do things that I generally like. After I started doing this I started to find enjoyment in life again.

    Like

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