He says he loves me and I am taken aback. He accepts my flaws and makes sure I know I am special. This should make me feel loved now, but it makes me want to go away. I write a lot about not feeling worthy. To be told I am, it shakes me in a weird way. We have known eachother for a month and I think he is lying.
I realize how messed up I am. Someone loves me and I don’t feel good about it.
Yet, my heart races for my rough lover who is aloof.
It is easy to say, ‘stop thinking that way” but to do it is impossible for me. I am trying.
I am excited to see Chris the Redeemer. To have him hold my chin, look me in the eye and shove me away. For him to call me good when I am being bad. To pull my hair and bruise me. To make it hurt.
I crave it.