Oh my God, he is laughing at me now

There is a collar around my neck, attached to a leash he is loosely holding. I am here looking up at him for approval, begging for acknowledgement. He won’t speak to me and I am lost again.

I am taking it off and he is laughing at me now. Oh my God, he is laughing at me now. He hides his face but I can hear him. I have never heard his voice, but I can hear him.

My cheeks are raw from wiping away tears. So raw that they are bleeding a little and I feel like I am burning.

How could I so easily offer my unwavering devotion to a complete stranger? I gathered the supplies to burn your first initial onto my left breast like you asked.  I found the most perfect ‘S’. It took me two days to find. I wanted its physical appearance to embody the beauty of this commitment. I day dreamed of you  running your fingers across the scar and believing in me. I imagined looking at myself in the mirror and knowing I belonged.

But, I do not belong.

 

 

 

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