I have been going through a manic period for a little over a week. It was triggered by rejection. I love and hate my manic state. I love it for the confidence it gives me. I love it for the how open and brutally honest I become. I can actually articulate my feelings and thoughts. I love it for the unbreakable positive mood I stay in. I love it for energy I have. I am finally worthy and nothing can hurt me now. Nothing can frighten me.
Knowing that this mania will abruptly vanish without saying goodbye, though, does tarnish the high a bit. When will you be back? Can I bottle it and take a dose when I am low? This is the first time I have been able to figure out exactly when my mania struck. A trigger I can identify to make it come back. But, as much as I am reveling in the madness, I hesitate to put myself in the position which got me here in the first place again.
Mania, for me, is similar to taking a psychedelic or an upper. Except, I don’t have to spend money to get it. Or calculate how many hours of standing on a concrete floor it will take to get me there.